Shadow of the Colossus - I feel so sad

I've been thinking about the fact that I feel bad about killing the colossi and how other games haven't really elicited this sort of response from me. When I'm playing I feel pretty gloomy. There are fun moments of course, but in some ways it's like watching a gloomy movie. Movies like A History of Violence are entertaining, but they're not particularly cheery either. You feel kind of sick watching some parts of it. More extreme examples are Requiem for a Dream or Schindler's List. Those are both all around dreary movies. You're more likely to say "It was a good movie" than "I liked it." I mean, who likes Schindler's List? Shadow of the Colossus is the same way. I feel like I'm watching a tragedy unfold before my eyes, but the difference is that I'm causing it to happen. I'm so selfish and grief-stricken at the loss of my love that I'll do anything to bring her back, even at the cost of my soul. I'm not passively watching people spiral into oblivion. I'm sending them there myself. I wouldn't go so far as to say that it's as bad as Schindler's List, but I think A History of Violence is a better analogue.

The monsters are getting more and more difficult to take down, and it's truly becoming an exhausting experience. While it took me around 3 hours to beat the first eight, the last two took me nearly two hours to bring down. This contributes to feeling down when I play the game. At the end of the battle there's no elation, just relief that it's over. I noticed in the first eight that the difficulty levels were all over the place. Some went down quickly, while others took longer, so perhaps an upcoming battle will be more straightforward than the last couple. When I turn the game off I long for something sunny and happy to watch or play. I really need to find a Wii so I can play Super Mario Galaxy...